In my last post, I addressed balancing a child’s media diet–how much and when.  As challenging as that  issue is, it is  almost easier to address than the question of content– what media is okay for your child. 

In today’s world of so much, so young,  deciding  what is okay and what isn’t can be daunting. Remember how many of you thought Baby Einstein was a good idea?  Now parents are scrambling for a refund. Who knew? (By the way, I did, and I have been steering parents away from Baby Einstein and all screens for young children for years.)  In response to my last post,  I received a thoughtful, detailed  response from a reader, Sharon Gold.  She recommends a website to help parents to decide if particular movies are appropriate for their children. The website does not judge; it gives information.

“…  I recommend to you and your readers a website called “Kids In Mind” (www.kids-in-mind.com). This website uses objective criteria to rate films on a scale of 0 to 10 in three categories: (1) SEX/NUDITY, (2) VIOLENCE/GORE & (3) PROFANITY. The site also explains in detail why a film rates high or low in a specific category, and, for the parents’ benefit, it lists scenes in the three categories. In addition, the site includes instances of SUBSTANCE USE, a list of DISCUSSION TOPICS that may elicit questions from children, and it sets forth MESSAGES the film conveys. …the site does not make any judgments or age-specific recommendations. ..”

But knowing if a movie is okay for your child may only be half the battle. In today’s highly competetive parenting environment, when parents don’t want their child to be left out, to be the only one who hasn’t seen the show, it is even trickier to make  the tough call and say No! Choosing not to allow your child to see the movie that everyone else is seeing is just that– a tough call. Likely, you’re going to hear about it from your child and from your friends, too.

I use the word choose purposefully. You do have a choice, after all. That may mean that you are bucking the tide, you are a salmon swimming up stream, and that your child calls your “the meanest mom in the whole world,”  but so be it. Only you know your child, and only you know what media content supports not only his current development but also your values.

You will never regret saying no, making the hard call  for now.  No can be revisited. But you can never take yes back. Once the movie has been seen, the images stick and the messages resonate.

Where the Wild Things Are, the beloved children’s book by Maurice Sendak, has been made into a movie.  When I first heard about it, I was excited…then worried. An article in this morning’s Los Angeles Times about the movie fueled my worries. Granted, I haven’t seen the movie, but I am still worried.   I just know that hundreds of cool, thirty-something parents are going to line up to take their young children to see it. Is this really a movie for young children?

In today’s world, children are being exposed to many things, the going-to-the-movies experience being just one of them, often before it is best for them. In their zeal to share a fondly remembered experience, they rush, often prematurely, and expose the child to something with which he cannot connect. Worse, it may be something that is actually detrimental to the child and his sense of well being. The problem is, the parent isn’t remembering what it was like as a two or three or four year old. Most people’s memories are from older ages–six or seven or eight years old.  As a result, children are having experiences (movies included) beyond their ability to process in a healthy way.

I remember when I was teaching nursery school over 30 years ago, a parent excitedly announced that she was taking her three year old to see The Wizard of Oz, sharing how much she had loved that movie as a child.  I suggested that maybe her daughter was a little young, reminding her of all the scary parts (those flying monkeys and that witchiest of all witches–”I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog Toto, too.”) “Oh no. She’s  going to love it!”  she proclaimed with total confidence. A few weeks later that same mommy came to me to get help; her daughter was having  terrible nightmares about flying monkeys and was refusing to go to sleep.

Where the Wild Things Are was a controversial book when it was first published. Not bad at all, just controversial.  And it still is. Some children can handle it; for others, it is too scary if read at too young an age.  Movies, bigger than life, can be even more so. Those wild things in the movie trailer looked pretty real to me.

Before you hand pick your perfect seats for the first showing, stop and think about whose needs are being met. Is your child ready to see those larger than life wild things?  Can he, should he even sit still in a dark movie house for an hour and a half?  You can always get it on DVD  next year when he is?