But the characteristic low lights and calm of the Oak Room were punctured by the incessant whining of a four year old boy.  “I haaaaate that salad.”  Groan…there went my respite.

I am not sure when it became acceptable to take young children to restaurants,  I am sure that it has become more and more common.  Children of all ages–infants and toddlers, antsy first graders and even sour fifth graders–have become part of the adult restaurant landscape…complete with the ants in their pants, their complaints about there not being the right kind of pizza, and the whining about it taking toooo long.

It might be true that your child is perfectly well behaved in restaurants of all kinds, that he has developed a mature palate from eating so much sushi, that he has the patience of an adult…but your child is the exception.

Restaurants can be the epitome of  lousy local conditions for children of all ages. The behavioral expectations of the restaurant setting are often a reach for them:  sit still; do not get out of your seat; keep you voice down; don’t play with the condiments or silverware; don’t bother your brother; don’t use your fingers; put your napkin on your lap.  The food at restaurants challenges the typical child’s palate:  “I only eat blue box macaroni and cheese!”  “Don’t let the foods touch!” “It doesn’t taste good!”  “I only like the other nuggets!”  “I changed my mind, I don’t want that!”    And the timing is off: children are accustomed to fast food, that is, “Go-wash-your- hands- your-dinner-is-ready” fast. No ordering and waiting.  And they like to eat at their regular meal time.

More often than not, children are set up for failure in a restaurant. It is, simply stated, not the way they are accustomed to having meals. And children like it the way they like it.

Then there is everyone else. While I promise you I love your children (and I really do genuinely love children), there is a place, time, and extent to my love.  When adults go out to dine, their anticipated experience includes the adult ambiance of the restaurant.  If they wanted to dine with children, they would likely go to Chucky Cheese.

In deciding whether to bring or not to bring your child to the restaurant, ask yourself whose needs are being met.  Are you setting your child up to be successful?  Will it be a happy, stress free time for all of you? Will anyone else’s dining experience be affected by your child’s presence?

Sometimes tuna fish sandwiches with a side of macaroni and cheese are a much better choice for everyone.

Even though the consistent, routinized school year schedule actually makes life easier for most children and parents, getting back into the swing of things can be a real challenge.  There are so many adjustments to be made from the more carefree summer life to the hurry-up-we’re-going-to-be-late-school year.

A mindful transition from summer to the school year, done gradually and purposefully before school actually starts, will go a long way towards smoothing that transition.

Here are some tips for starting the school year off smoothly:

• Mind your attitude. Not all children are excited about the start of school, but a positive attitude can be contagious.  Instead of saying things like, “Your teacher won’t allow that kind of behavior in school” try being positive by saying, “I know your teacher will be so excited to hear all about our trip to the mountains.”  Help the older child to get fired up about what he might learn this school year. “This is  the year that you get to study astronomy. I can’t wait for you to teach me about the stars.”
• Introduce your child’s school night bedtime before school starts. School age children need 9 to 11 hours of sleep, and while they get that during the summer, it usually starts later than is good for a school night. Seven days before the start of school, begin bedtime 15 minutes earlier.  Each night take it back a few more minutes, until you get to the desired bed time.  Children should awaken naturally in the morning if they are getting enough sleep.
• Introduce your school night routine at the same time, a full week before the actual start of school. While you may have allowed TV or tech time before bed in the summer, it may not be a great way to get your child calm and ready for bed on a school night.  Go back to your routine of bath/shower, books, and tuck time. Get back to your low key rituals that include an intimate bed time chat, downloading his day.
• Adjust your morning routine. A week before school begins, introduce the school morning routine. A sure fire way to start the morning out right—without fights about clothing and the like—is to follow this schedule:

1. Snuggle time (Hopefully even your older kids still crave it!)
2. Get dressed (Beginning at 4 years old, children choose their own clothing,  hopefully laying them out the night before.)
3. Eat breakfast, but only after he is fully dressed. (If you are worried that he will get his school clothes dirty, throw on one of your old tee shirts over his clothes.)
4. Brush teeth.
5. Bonus time! (a few minutes on the computer, a quick game of Uno!)

• Designate and make ready a homework place. For even the most reluctant child, there’s nothing quite like new school supplies. (Remember?!)  After you have shopped with your child, decide with him where he will do his homework. Not only should he have his notebook supplies, but also he can feather his homework nest. The more involved he is, the more willing he will be to settle down and get to work.

When the school year begins…

• Create routines. Whether it’s the way your child helps you make lunches, when and where he does his homework, or when he does his chores, routines help the child to stay on track.
• Have rules. Each family will have a different idea about tv during the week, computer and tech time, etc… Have a family meeting to discuss your ideas. Be sure to solicit your child’s opinion, and compromise where you can. Children who are involved in the rule making are more likely to stick to them.
• Do as much as you can do the night before. Help your child lay out his clothes (if necessary); set the table for breakfast; make the lunches; put the grounds in the coffee maker; put trip slips, backpacks, and anything that needs to go to school by the exit door.
• Set your own alarm clock earlier. I know you’ll hate this one, and I am sorry. But hurrying is the enemy of children. Set your alarm clock 10 minutes earlier than you think you need.   If you are not rushed, you will be more relaxed with your child. You will be just that much more available to your child, and he won’t need to act out to get your attention.  A chaotic, hurried atmosphere doesn’t make for a great school day send off.
• Over estimate your family’s prep time.  However long you think it will take everyone to get ready for school…double it! If there is extra time, spend it doing something fun, even unexpected with your child. It will help to start his day off happily, and it is much better than rushing him.
• Eat breakfast together. Spending a little quality time at the breakfast table together (not reading the paper, not checking email, not focused on the food that is or isn’t being eaten!), goes a long way toward filling your child’s tank.  His moments with you will stay with him throughout his whole day, reminding him that he belongs to a family who loves him.

This is especially true after a vacation or even after a weekend. Most families happily and easily fall into a pattern of hanging out in the morning, chilling at home in p.j’s., taking all the time in the world on non school days. Then the school bell rings: Get a move on right now!

Here’s the truth of the matter, the more you rush your kids, the slower they will be. As soon as you shriek, Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! We’re going to be late! little spikes grow out of the bottoms of their feet. They go into slow motion. The machine all but stops. What’s a parent to do?

The answer really isn’t so hard. It may take a little getting used to and a lot of parental stick-to-it-iveness, but it works. And it is definitely worth making the change. It simply requires changing the order of the morning.

All mornings need to begin with a little loving. Whether your kids come into your bed or you visit theirs, children and parents need to reconnect in a loving way first thing in the morning. I call this shnuggy time. After all, it was a drought all night long, and kids need to fill up their parent tanks as they start their day.

The next order of business is getting dressed. That’s right, kids need to get completely dressed, head to toe, including shoes and socks, first thing after they are up and before breakfast or anything else. Often it’s a good idea to lay out the clothing the night before. Try putting out the whole get-up, socks to hat, in the shape of a body on the floor. And if you are concerned that the freshly laundered shirt will soon be covered with breakfast syrup and smoothie, keep one of Dad’s old tee shirts around to throw on over the school clothes to catch the spills.

Breakfast only happens when the kids are completely dressed. After breakfast, teeth get brushed. If you must, have a tooth brushing set up in a downstairs bathroom. Facilitate it happening easily.

And after your kids are dressed, fed, brushed, backpack-ready, and only then, they just might have time for a game of Go Fish with you, time to work on the Leggo Rocket Ship, time for the computer, or whatever is the carrot at the end of the process. If you do all your morning jobs in a timely manner, then you will have time for…

There’s one more trick to your morning routine, and you’re going to hate this one! When parents are rushing, kids get nuts. If you are not available, your children suddenly become broken and need you. If you are available, somehow they manage to take care of business. Go figure! You need to take care of yourself so you will be available to your children, and that might mean getting up 15 minutes earlier than they. I know, I know, I hear you groaning. But it is worth it. Starting the day on a pleasant note makes everyone’s days just that much better.

Happy new year!