Talking to Children About the Election

I awakened today to more than a few emails pleading,  Help! How do I explain the election results to my kids?

This processing of the election is not meant just for those who are unhappy with the outcome. It is for both those who are deeply disappointed and those who are ecstatic.

There is just no way that yesterday’s election went unnoticed by any child who lives in a family who votes.  Strong feelings have run hot and heavy in homes across America for many months.  Your kids have heard you; they have absorbed your feelings. No way they missed it.

And so it is today as we process the election. Your children are going to absorb your feelings.  I say this to remind you of the critical role you play in your child’s development of his/her ideas, opinions, and feelings about everything…including the election.

For many voters, the election results feel personal.  They are personalizing the outcome, making it particularly emotional. Your kids are seeing that. Is that how they should feel?

In our explanations to our children it is important to depersonalize it, focusing first on how elections work:  there is always a winner and a loser.  And so it will be throughout your child’s life–losing a class election; getting picked first on a team; being the chosen one in a pool of applicants.  People learn to deal with that reality.

In our country, presidents and all elected positions are chosen by the majority.  If your child is older than seven years, and depending upon his/her maturity and interest, you can dive deeper with explanations of the two-party system as well as the Electoral College, etc… (Be careful of too much explaining, putting the child to sleep.)

More, we live in a country that allows the expression of opinions and even encourages disagreement. One of our privileges in America is disagreement and being able to express it (peacefully!).  Disagreement encourages pondering, considering, thinking, and meaningful discourse. Disagreement keeps us on our toes. It is actually important and healthy.

There is never total agreement about anything, no matter how strongly one may feel. A important lesson is to learn is how to agree to disagree.

With this particular election, there has been a lot of vitriol flung around on all sides. Children have heard parents’ potent reactions and comments.  And now you have to clean it up because your choice may not have been elected.

Our country exists on laws, regulations, and systems that enable us to function safely. Without these we would live in chaos.  What would happen if you decided to run a red light? And then another and another? Likely, there would eventually be a traffic nightmare. We need to abide by our systems and rules. But we don’t have to like them.

With regard to Trump (or other winners of the election whom you were not supporting), consider addressing the following:

1. You can openly share that you do not agree with his principles, what he stands for—his opinions, his beliefs, his tactics and behaviors. I think it is important to be specific, so your child actually knows to what you are referring.
2. Just because the winner says or does things, does not mean we have to agree.
3. However, Trump is our new elected President. We don’t have to like it, but we do have to respect it.
4. As with the laws, it is not our choice to disobey them.
5. Help your children to remember that every 4 years we have a new election. Trump, in particular, can never be president again.

Regardless of what our President believes, you might share that you believe in the importance of being kind, respectful, and considerate of all people no matter what, always.

Model and share with your children that which is most important to you as a human being, one of 8 billion who live on Earth. Embody the very character traits you want to develop in your children.  Now is your time to take a breath and do so. It is the time to model resilience.

And finally, doing something always makes you feel better. Inaction causes you to stew in your misery.  Next election you will take action and work hard to support your beliefs.  There is always a next time.