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Betsy Brown Braun

Child Development and Behavior Specialist. Parent Educator. Best Selling Author

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Good Medicine in Difficult Times

by Betsy Brown Braun on October 13, 2017, under Adolescents, Behavior, Communication, Elementary School Children, Environmental influences, Parent modeling, Parenting, Safety, Sensitive Topics, Toddlers

Each day I awaken wary of the new bad news that day will bring. I know I am not the only one who feels like we are living in apocalyptic times. Fires are ravaging California; Harvey, Irma and Maria made landfall and decimated parts of Texas, Florida and much of Puerto Rico; then came the earthquake in Mexico; the Las Vegas shooting was horrifying; the threat of a confrontation with North Korea is ever present; the unpredictability of the leadership of our nation unnerves (and disgusts) me to my bones; the behavior of Harvey Weinstein after Weiner is appalling.

How is a parent supposed to be a strong, confident, safe house for her children when the sky is falling?  How can you help but leak your feelings of anguish when a tsunami of bad news accompanies each day? How can I feel up when so much around me feels down?

My answer came in the form of a Facebook message, an inquiry as to whether I am woman’s past sixth grade teacher, one for whom she had been searching for more than 40 years.

“Hello, I am looking for my 6th grade teacher, Betsy Braun.  I am wondering if you might be her? It was in 1972 or 3 at Westwood Elementary SchooI. I was sharing a story about that year with my partner and remembering what a wonderful teacher she was. So, this morning I did a search and I found your site.  Your features and kind face make me think it could be you.  Is it you?…

…But, if it was you, I want you to know you really made a difference in my life.  Things were very tough at home and my self-confidence was pretty low and you really lifted me.  You came in mid-year with a guitar and wonderful songs.  Your class was my safety zone.  Thank you.”

Needless to say, I answered right away, “Yes, I am THAT Betsy Braun.” And here’s what came next:

“Hello! Wow, it’s really you. I’m glad I was able to find you and let you know how much you touched me so many years ago.  I don’t know if you remember me, I wasn’t living at home at the time …

I have never forgotten sitting in your class, listening to Stevie Wonder’s song ” Livin’ for the City” and you facilitating a discussion on the depths of the lyrics. 

I had to leave Westwood before the end of the year and you gave me a going away party…that really touched me.  You gave me a plant, I tried so hard to keep it alive, that didn’t work out. But the memories never died. 

I’d like you to know that even though I was in your class for a short period of time, YOU are that teacher that profoundly touched my life. In turn I work hard to touch the young lives I work with. “

You can probably imagine how that message took my breath away, to say nothing of leaving me in tears.

And then, as when a thin beam of light pierces a rain cloud, on that morning of gloom, I felt better, not so despondent, even hopeful. Look what I had done for someone else.

The message from my old student spoke to me about how we can feel better in times of pain, our own pain and that of others who are suffering hardships. I am talking about both helping yourself and helping your child to feel better. As in the airplane “oxygen mask theory” when you must prepare yourself before you can take care of your child, it is imperative that you deal with your own feelings of despair first. This is especially true in apocalyptic times.

In the many blogs I have previously written about how parents can respond to their children in the face of bad news (disasters, shootings, emergencies, tragedies of all kinds), among the things I have talked about are looking for the helpers and being a helper.

Looking for the helpers which includes “circling the wagons,” is not only, literally, seeking the people who can help you; it is also about family as helpers.  In times of trouble, we need to reach for our loved ones and gather together—cancel the nights out, the vacations away from the kids, even stay home.  This is one of those times. With all the difficulty in the world, we need to absorb the support, closeness, and ease that comes with being together, doing things as a family, laughing together, loving together. It buoys us, and it buoys our children.  It fills all our tanks and it reminds us that we are okay.

Mental health professionals often point to the value of doing for others as curative in difficult times.  Times like these feel especially bad because we feel helpless. Inaction adds to that feeling. Being a helper is being proactive, and that feels good. Doing something for others reminds us that we can and we do make a difference. Focusing outward takes us out of ourselves.

That Facebook message, it turns out, was more than a deeply touching communication between a student and her long lost teacher. It was a reminder to me that being a helper, being proactive is good medicine.  And that medicine has a really long shelf life.

: California fires; hurricanes;
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"I do know so deeply what you have brought to me, Stephane, and the girls as a family.  They would definitely be little assholes without my Betsy’s wise words over the years LOL." -Katy Strouk - Mom of 2 girls--a teen and post college girl.

My wife and I watched your Discipline Video last night . It was ENORMOUSLY helpful...45 years of wisdom in 45 minutes!

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When you [Betsy] speak, everything just sort of clicks and all the chaos going on around us seems to have order once again. We really appreciate your help and insight.

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Betsy is quite simply pure magic. Through the ups and downs of parenting, she is a constant source of tremendous guidance, , wisdom, and comfort. Having Betsy as a trusted resource, as I navigate life with two boys, is truly a blessing.

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I have participated in Betsy’s groups and private consultations over the past decade-plus. I find her guidance to be experience and research-based. And I respond to her no-bullshit directness. Her support helps me feel like I am working to be the best mom I can be; knowledgeable, present, and open. Being in the groups has given me so much confidence as a parent, plus camaraderie and lifelong friends with my fellow mom members. Betsy is the rock, sounding board, expert, and friend everyone needs while navigating the parenting journey.

-Meredith Alexander, mother of two boys

Betsy is quite simply pure magic. Through the ups and downs of parenting (and life!), she is a constant source of tremendous guidance and wisdom and comfort. Having Betsy as a trusted resource (who has literally seen it all) as I navigate life with two boys is truly a blessing.

-Rebecca Jonah, mother of two boys

You’re like a drug and it’s hard to get enough of your wisdom so thank you!

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Your voice is so often in my head as I navigate the adventures (good, bad, and yes, sometimes ugly) of parenting. I can’t imagine what I would have done all these years without it...it’s like a touchstone that keeps me on track.

-Thea Andrews Wolf, mom of 2 middle school boys

We’ve been overwhelmed by the outpouring of positive response in our community from the PA Forum Betsy held for our Middle and High School parents. We are all discussing our implementation of her practical, meaningful advice - from how to respond to our teen's and tween’s meltdowns to how to deal with their messy rooms. Additionally she helped frame parenting (and over-parenting) during this challenging time as well as normalize our parental anxieties.Thank you Betsy!

-Leigh Morales, MS PA Forum Chair, The Greenhill School, Dallas TX

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Betsy offers the clearest, calming, and most helpful advice there is on parenting...She's like having the smartest, coolest, and amazingly right mom just a phone call away.

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Betsy Brown Braun is a fine observer of children…

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Betsy keeps it real. She respects parents and children and gives parents the straight scoop about productive communication. I turn to her insights again and again.

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Your talk really helped me in becoming a more “open” parent and less worried about little things that really don’t matter and restrict kids in a negative way.

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Betsy got me over the bumps of raising two young boys and over the moguls of raising teenage boys. She is my rock.

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I love the way you think and how clear you make the issues seem. You are so brilliant and I love how perceptive and straightforward you are. You anchor me and the things you say make a lot of sense.

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Betsy is always able to come up with simple and unique approaches to common parenting problems as well as more complex issues. What she says makes good sense and always works...

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Betsy Brown Braun is a master teacher and one of the wisest parenting experts I have ever known.

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Betsy is a wise, humorous, and caring advisor... Due in large part to Betsy, we are smarter parents and our children are happier and healthier as a result.

-Steven Webber, father of two boys

Betsy Brown Braun’s class has been an incredible experience for me. Her wisdom, combined with a rare and wonderful sense of humor, has helped me become a better parent.

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Betsy is our modern-day version of the ‘village elder’ from whom we all seek counsel. Her suggestions have enabled me to respond to my children’s questions and curiosity in a way that respects their intelligence without confusing them.

-Paulina Ladreyt, mother of twin boys, Santa Monica, CA

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