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Betsy Brown Braun

Child Development and Behavior Specialist. Parent Educator. Best Selling Author

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How Do You Know When You’re in Love?

by Betsy Brown Braun on January 27, 2022, under Adolescents, Behavior, Communication, Elementary School Children, Environmental influences, Learning, Parent modeling, Parenting, Relationships, Toddlers

“How do you know when you are in love, I mean in love for real?” my daughter asked when she was about 13 years old. I have never forgotten the question nor my answer.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, what better time to discuss?

Over the years in my practice (and through my own kids’ growing years,) the questions of how children learn about love and relationships and what it’s all about have come up many times in many ways.  Nothing is new. Parents have been teaching kids this part of the life journey forever. It’s part of normal child raising. Whether they want to or not, parents teach these lessons.  And they will be deeply embedded forever, ones that will affect the children’s future, especially their love relationships.

The one thing I know for sure is that children’s ideas about love and relationships are first sparked amidst the home fires.

Life lessons happen in so many ways. But the most powerful lessons come from what the child lives, observes, and absorbs on a daily basis. The business of daily life in the home environment creates a template the child will keep for the rest of her life. Yes, this also applies to lessons about respecting, caring for, and loving another person.

I always start my parenting seminar called The Birds and the Bees with this question: “In what room of the house do you think your children learn about sex?” No, it’s not the bathroom or the bedroom. Not even a good guess.   It’s the kitchen. Why?  Life happens in the kitchen. I mean, real life.  And that’s the same room in which children grow their ideas and learning about love and marriage and partnering and relationships.

It is in the kitchen that the kids see Mom greet Dad after a day of work; they giggle (or groan) when he plants a Marilyn Monroe kiss on her mouth; they see when Mom gives Dad a hug or even a love smack on the tush. They hear the caring questions about how he is feeling, how was his day.   They also notice when Dad enters and tosses a drive-by “Hey.” with no authentic affection or even genuine interest at all.

Children learn how parents treat one another, how they care for one another, how they feel about one another just from living in your home.

A client recently lamented that he is not outwardly affectionate with his wife and never has been.  He admitted that he is just like his father whom he never saw embrace his mother, ever.  “I really don’t like that about me,” he shared.   He added that he wants his daughter to choose a life partner who loves and adores her, who respects and cares for her.  Will that happen, I wondered?

It is true that parents don’t have much choice in the partners their adult children choose.  But we do have a strong hand in shaping what they want for themselves and in teaching them not only how to treat a love and life partner but also how they deserve to be treated.

So, I said to my daughter, “You know you really love someone, when his feelings and needs are just as important as yours.”

: kissing in front of children; hugging in front of children; modeling love; modeling loving, showing love; expressing love; showing affection;public displays of affection; affection in front of children; what is love; explaining love to children
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Betsy is our modern-day version of the ‘village elder’ from whom we all seek counsel. Her suggestions have enabled me to respond to my children’s questions and curiosity in a way that respects their intelligence without confusing them.

- Paulina Ladreyt, mother of twin boys, Santa Monica, CA
Betsy Brown Braun
2019-06-21T14:30:37+00:00
Betsy is our modern-day version of the ‘village elder’ from whom we all seek counsel. Her suggestions have enabled me to respond to my children’s questions and curiosity in a way that respects their intelligence without confusing them. - Paulina Ladreyt, mother of twin boys, Santa Monica, CA
https://betsybrownbraun.com/testimonials/5305/

Betsy Brown Braun’s class has been an incredible experience for me. Her wisdom, combined with a rare and wonderful sense of humor, has helped me become a better parent.

- Deborah Gleiberman, mother of three children
Betsy Brown Braun
2019-06-21T14:31:05+00:00
Betsy Brown Braun’s class has been an incredible experience for me. Her wisdom, combined with a rare and wonderful sense of humor, has helped me become a better parent. - Deborah Gleiberman, mother of three children
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Betsy is a wise, humorous, and caring advisor... Due in large part to Betsy, we are smarter parents and our children are happier and healthier as a result.

- Steven Webber, father of two boys
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2019-06-21T14:31:24+00:00
Betsy is a wise, humorous, and caring advisor... Due in large part to Betsy, we are smarter parents and our children are happier and healthier as a result. - Steven Webber, father of two boys
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Betsy Brown Braun is a master teacher and one of the wisest parenting experts I have ever known.

- Steven Carr Reuben, Ph.D., author of Children of Character
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2019-06-21T14:32:54+00:00
Betsy Brown Braun is a master teacher and one of the wisest parenting experts I have ever known. - Steven Carr Reuben, Ph.D., author of Children of Character
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Betsy is always able to come up with simple and unique approaches to common parenting problems as well as more complex issues. What she says makes good sense and always works...

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2019-06-21T14:33:11+00:00
Betsy is always able to come up with simple and unique approaches to common parenting problems as well as more complex issues. What she says makes good sense and always works... - Joanna VanTrees Cowitt, mother of a boy and a girl, Los Angeles, CA
https://betsybrownbraun.com/testimonials/5309/

I love the way you think and how clear you make the issues seem. You are so brilliant and I love how perceptive and straightforward you are. You anchor me and the things you say make a lot of sense.

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2019-06-21T14:33:31+00:00
I love the way you think and how clear you make the issues seem. You are so brilliant and I love how perceptive and straightforward you are. You anchor me and the things you say make a lot of sense. - Leigh Nickoll, Marriage and Family Counselor
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Betsy’s private consultations are fabulous. She has a gift for understanding all different types of children and giving advice that works for your particular child.

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2019-06-21T14:33:55+00:00
Betsy’s private consultations are fabulous. She has a gift for understanding all different types of children and giving advice that works for your particular child. - Craig Mallery
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Betsy got me over the bumps of raising two young boys and over the moguls of raising teenage boys. She is my rock.

- Deidra Hall
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2019-06-21T14:34:15+00:00
Betsy got me over the bumps of raising two young boys and over the moguls of raising teenage boys. She is my rock. - Deidra Hall
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Your talk really helped me in becoming a more “open” parent and less worried about little things that really don’t matter and restrict kids in a negative way.

- Nina Hong, mother
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2019-06-21T14:34:35+00:00
Your talk really helped me in becoming a more “open” parent and less worried about little things that really don’t matter and restrict kids in a negative way. - Nina Hong, mother
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Betsy keeps it real. She respects parents and children and gives parents the straight scoop about productive communication. I turn to her insights again and again.

- Alexis Bircoll Martin, mother of two
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2019-06-21T14:34:56+00:00
Betsy keeps it real. She respects parents and children and gives parents the straight scoop about productive communication. I turn to her insights again and again. - Alexis Bircoll Martin, mother of two
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Betsy Brown Braun is a fine observer of children…

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2019-06-21T14:35:16+00:00
Betsy Brown Braun is a fine observer of children… - Dr. Robert M. Landaw, Pediatrician
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Betsy offers the clearest, calming, and most helpful advice there is on parenting...She's like having the smartest, coolest, and amazingly right mom just a phone call away.

- Jane Buckingham, Author of The Modern Girls Guide to Life and The Modern Girls Guide to Motherhood
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2019-06-21T14:35:37+00:00
Betsy offers the clearest, calming, and most helpful advice there is on parenting...She's like having the smartest, coolest, and amazingly right mom just a phone call away. - Jane Buckingham, Author of The Modern Girls Guide to Life and The Modern Girls Guide to Motherhood
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2019-06-21T14:35:55+00:00
A parenting guru. - The New York Times
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We’ve been overwhelmed by the outpouring of positive response in our community from the PA Forum Betsy held for our Middle and High School parents. We are all discussing our implementation of her practical, meaningful advice - from how to respond to our teen's and tween’s meltdowns to how to deal with their messy rooms. Additionally she helped frame parenting (and over-parenting) during this challenging time as well as normalize our parental anxieties.Thank you Betsy!

- Leigh Morales, MS PA Forum Chair, The Greenhill School, Dallas TX
Betsy Brown Braun
2021-03-09T19:10:44+00:00
We’ve been overwhelmed by the outpouring of positive response in our community from the PA Forum Betsy held for our Middle and High School parents. We are all discussing our implementation of her practical, meaningful advice - from how to respond to our teen's and tween’s meltdowns to how to deal with their messy rooms. Additionally she helped frame parenting (and over-parenting) during this challenging time as well as normalize our parental anxieties.Thank you Betsy! - Leigh Morales, MS PA Forum Chair, The Greenhill School, Dallas TX
https://betsybrownbraun.com/testimonials/5701/

Your voice is so often in my head as I navigate the adventures (good, bad, and yes, sometimes ugly) of parenting. I can’t imagine what I would have done all these years without it...it’s like a touchstone that keeps me on track

- Thea Andrews Wolf, mom of 2 middle school boys
Betsy Brown Braun
2022-02-03T07:33:32+00:00
Your voice is so often in my head as I navigate the adventures (good, bad, and yes, sometimes ugly) of parenting. I can’t imagine what I would have done all these years without it...it’s like a touchstone that keeps me on track - Thea Andrews Wolf, mom of 2 middle school boys
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You’re like a drug and it’s hard to get enough of your wisdom so thank you!

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2022-03-01T09:52:11+00:00
You’re like a drug and it’s hard to get enough of your wisdom so thank you! -Maryam Shahrokhi, Pediatrician in LA
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Betsy Brown Braun

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Child development & behavior specialist, best selling author of award winning Just Tell Me What to Say (2008) & You're Not the Boss of Me. (2010)

Betsy Brown Braun
BetsyBBraunBetsy Brown Braun@BetsyBBraun·
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Talking to kids of all ages about the war in Ukraine.https://betsybrownbraun.com/blog/

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