Oh No! Another Shooting to Talk to Kids About

Can this really be happening?  Again? Every parent I know is feeling the same thing. The anxiety we already feel about our children’s safety when they are away from us is just getting worse and worse.  The horror of the school shooting in Uvalde is, simply put, overwhelming.

Too many times I have written blogs about how to talk with your child about shootings, school shootings in particular. This difference for me this time is the extent of my anger, my fury, my disgust, and my frustration.  I have had it!

Just look at the list of schools who have experienced shooting in the United States.

1. Thurston High School.
2. Columbine High School.
3. Heritage High School.
4. Deming Middle School.
5. Fort Gibson Middle School.
6. Buell Elementary School.
7. Lake Worth Middle School.
8. University of Arkansas.
9. Junipero Serra High School.
10. Santana High School.
11. Bishop Neumann High School.
12. Pacific Lutheran University.
13. Granite Hills High School.
14. Lew Wallace High School.
15. Martin Luther King, Jr. High School.
16. Appalachian School of Law.
17. Washington High School.
18. Conception Abbey.
19. Benjamin Tasker Middle School.
20. University of Arizona.
21. Lincoln High School.
22. John McDonogh High School.
23. Red Lion Area Junior High School.
24. Case Western Reserve University.
25. Rocori High School.
26. Ballou High School.
27. Randallstown High School.
28. Bowen High School.
29. Red Lake Senior High School.
30. Harlan Community Academy High School.
31. Campbell County High School.
32. Milwee Middle School.
33. Roseburg High School.
34. Pine Middle School.
35. Essex Elementary School.
36. Duquesne University.
37. Platte Canyon High School.
38. Weston High School.
39. West Nickel Mines School.
40. Joplin Memorial Middle School.
41. Henry Foss High School.
42. Compton Centennial High School.
43. Virginia Tech.
44. Success Tech Academy.
45. Miami Carol City Senior High School.
46. Hamilton High School.
47. Louisiana Technical College.
48. Mitchell High School.
49. E.O. Green Junior High School.
50. Northern Illinois University.
51. Lakota Middle School.
52. Knoxville Central High School.
53. Willoughby South High School.
54. Henry Ford High School.
55. University of Central Arkansas.
56. Dillard High School.
57. Dunbar High School.
58. Hampton University.
59. Harvard College.
60. Larose-Cut Off Middle School.
61. International Studies Academy.
62. Skyline College.
63. Discovery Middle School.
64. University of Alabama.
65. DeKalb School.
66. Deer Creek Middle School.
67. Ohio State University.
68. Mumford High School.
69. University of Texas.
70. Kelly Elementary School.
71. Marinette High School.
72. Aurora Central High School.
73. Millard South High School.
74. Martinsville West Middle School.
75. Worthing High School.
76. Millard South High School.
77. Highlands Intermediate School.
78. Cape Fear High School.
79. Chardon High School.
80. Episcopal School of Jacksonville.
81. Oikos University.
82. Hamilton High School.
83. Perry Hall School.
84. Normal Community High School.
85. University of South Alabama.
86. Banner Academy South.
87. University of Southern California.
88. Sandy Hook Elementary School.
89. Apostolic Revival Center Christian School.
90. Taft Union High School.
91. Osborn High School.
92. Stevens Institute of Business and Arts.
93. Hazard Community and Technical College.
94. Chicago State University.
95. Lone Star College-North.
96. Cesar Chavez High School.
97. Price Middle School.
98. University of Central Florida.
99. New River Community College.
100. Grambling State University.
101. Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
102. Ossie Ware Mitchell Middle School.
103. Ronald E. McNair Discovery Academy.
104. North Panola High School.
105. Carver High School.
106. Agape Christian Academy.
107. Sparks Middle School.
108. North Carolina A&T State University.
109. Stephenson High School.
110. Brashear High School.
111. West Orange High School.
112. Arapahoe High School.
113. Edison High School.
114. Liberty Technology Magnet High School.
115. Hillhouse High School.
116. Berrendo Middle School.
117. Purdue University.
118. South Carolina State University.
119. Los Angeles Valley College.
120. Charles F. Brush High School.
121. University of Southern California.
122. Georgia Regents University.
123. Academy of Knowledge Preschool.
124. Benjamin Banneker High School.
125. H. Conley High School.
126. East English Village Preparatory Academy.
127. Paine College.
128. Georgia Gwinnett College.
129. John F. Kennedy High School.
130. Seattle Pacific University.
131. Reynolds High School.
132. Indiana State University.
133. Albemarle High School.
134. Fern Creek Traditional High School.
135. Langston Hughes High School.
136. Marysville Pilchuck High School.
137. Florida State University.
138. Miami Carol City High School.
139. Rogers State University.
140. Rosemary Anderson High School.
141. Wisconsin Lutheran High School.
142. Frederick High School.
143. Tenaya Middle School.
144. Bethune-Cookman University.
145. Pershing Elementary School.
146. Wayne Community College.
147. J.B. Martin Middle School.
148. Southwestern Classical Academy.
149. Savannah State University.
150. Harrisburg High School.
151. Umpqua Community College.
152. Northern Arizona University.
153. Texas Southern University.
154. Tennessee State University.
155. Winston-Salem State University.
156. Mojave High School.
157. Lawrence Central High School.
158. Franklin High School.
159. Muskegon Heights High School.
160. Independence High School.
161. Madison High School.
162. Antigo High School.
163. University of California-Los Angeles.
164. Jeremiah Burke High School.
165. Alpine High School.
166. Townville Elementary School.
167. Vigor High School.
168. Linden McKinley STEM Academy.
169. June Jordan High School for Equity.
170. Union Middle School.
171. Mueller Park Junior High School.
172. West Liberty-Salem High School.
173. University of Washington.
174. King City High School.
175. North Park Elementary School.
176. North Lake College.
177. Freeman High School.
178. Mattoon High School.
179. Rancho Tehama Elementary School.
180. Aztec High School.
181. Wake Forest University.
182. Italy High School.
183. NET Charter High School.
184. Marshall County High School.
185. Sal Castro Middle School.
186. Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.
187. Great Mills High School.
188. Central Michigan University.
189. Huffman High School
190. Frederick Douglass High School.
191. Forest High School.
192. Highland High School.
193. Dixon High School.
194. Santa Fe High School.
195. Noblesville West Middle School.
196. University of North Carolina Charlotte.
197. STEM School Highlands Ranch.
198. Edgewood High School.
199. Palm Beach Central High School.
200. Providence Career & Technical Academy.
201. Fairley High School (school bus).
202. Canyon Springs High School.
203. Dennis Intermediate School.
204. Florida International University.
205. Central Elementary School.
206. Cascade Middle School.
207. Davidson High School.
208. Prairie View A&M University.
209. Altascocita High School.
210. Central Academy of Excellence.
211. Cleveland High School.
212. Robert E. Lee High School.
213. Cheyenne South High School.
214. Grambling State University.
215. Blountsville Elementary School.
216. Holmes County, Mississippi (school bus).
217. Prescott High School.
218. College of the Mainland.
219. Wynbrooke Elementary School.
220. UNC Charlotte.
221. Riverview Florida (school bus).
222. Second Chance High School.
223. Carman-Ainsworth High School.
224. Williwaw Elementary School.
225. Monroe Clark Middle School.
226. Central Catholic High School.
227. Jeanette High School.
228. Eastern Hills High School.
229. DeAnza High School.
230. Ridgway High School.
231. Reginald F. Lewis High School.
232. Saugus High School.
233. Pleasantville High School.
234. Waukesha South High School.
235. Oshkosh High School.
236. Catholic Academy of New Haven.
237. Bellaire High School.
238. North Crowley High School.
239. McAuliffe Elementary School.
240. South Oak Cliff High School.
241. Texas A&M University-Commerce.
242. Sonora High School.
243. Western Illinois University.
244. Oxford High School.
245. Robb Elementary School.

Enough!  THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!

Take some time to review one of the blogs I have written about Talking to Kids about  previous shootings:

Talking to Kids (or not) About What Happened in Connecticut.

Another Tragedy to Talk About

Talking to Your Child Abut the Synagogue Shooting

Please know helping your child to process this tragedy starts with taking care of yourself. This is first and foremost.  Remember the oxygen mask theory.  Express your fierce feelings. Scream. Cry. Swear (away from your kids!). Go for a run. Getting it out is the first step towards being able to talk to your children. ( I am coping with this by writing this blog.)

Remember, your children are watching you and listening to you all the time, especially when you don’t think they are. If and when you are communicating with your child, she will be watching for your reaction and your feelings. You can be honest, angry, and sad and still be calm. Taking your emotion out of your conversation will allow your child to hear and absorb the information you’re are sharing.

As I have previously shared, with our youngest children, preschool and kindergarteners, there is no need to bring it up unless you suspect they have overheard something.  It is a different story with your elementary school age child. It is likely she will have heard on the bus, on the playground, in the classroom. It is better that your child hears from you the truth (as much as is reasonable to share). And be assured that your middle and high schoolers know about it.  So, have conversations. Please use my past blogs for starting points and conversation tips.

The reach of the internet and the speed in which news travels adds to our fears and anxiety. And it leads us to believe that these shootings are becoming common place.  The truth is that these events are not as common as they may feel today.  Not only will you emphasize and explain this to your child, but you must believe it yourself.

We cannot protect our children from tragedy and grief. But we must help them to learn how to process the reality.

Remember that being proactive, DOING SOMETHING, helps to channel feelings.  Help your older child to take action and respond, and join him in doing so. Brainstorm about what can be done, how his voice can be heard.  Make signs for your front lawn. Talk about writing to legislators. Research beliefs of people running for office. And invite your child to help you vote. Form groups at school or among friends to support his beliefs.

Here are two additional articles you might find helpful from the Resource Center of the Child Mind Institute:

How to Talk to Kids About School Shootings

Helping Children Cope with Frightening News