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Betsy Brown Braun

Child Development and Behavior Specialist. Parent Educator. Best Selling Author

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Join the Family

by Betsy Brown Braun on October 16, 2010, under Parent modeling, Parenting, Public Behavior

The “perfect” family—mom, dad, and two girls probably ages 6 and 9—sat across from my husband and me as we dined at a local restaurant to launch our weekend As hard as I try, when I am out in the world I cannot help but notice families. It is my passion and my life’s work, and I am just selectively perceptive to parents and kids wherever I go. Knowing them doesn’t matter, (but it is the icing on the cake.)

The girls were adorable. The older one, on the quiet side, seemed calm, centered, attentive, and responsive. Her little sister was a fire cracker—chatty, effervescent, with something to say about everything. Mom engaged the girls in conversation, reminded them to mind their manners, and responded to their barrage of comments and questions.

Dad worked on his Blackberry. Three times he hurriedly left the table and returned to resume his rapid fire thumb work. Several times Mom responded to a comment from Dad clearly unrelated to the family, and admonished the children to be quiet, not to interrupt.

Now I couldn’t not look! I have to blog about this, I thought.

I do notice families, but I don’t ever comment. But what would I have said to this family? Dad, you’re blowing it! The older your children get, the fewer are the natural and spontaneous opportunities to chat with them, to influence them, to impart your values and opinions. Dinner out together is a neutral, unloaded opportunity to communicate and connect with your children. I might continue… You are your child’s first teacher, and what are you teaching your girls? Just for starters, they are learning that your work is more important than they are. Even if that isn’t the truth, it is the message. (And maybe, just for a little good measure, I would tell him that he is incredibly selfish!)

How many parents admonish their children to unplug from their ipods, turn off the video games, shut down the Wii, to join the family?

Joining the family starts with you, Dad.

: Eating out, Fathering, Hypocrisy, Modeling, Parent as teacher, Parent bad behavior
1 Comment

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  1. Kids in Restaurants? | Betsy Brown Braun says:
    July 17, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    […] is not about parents who use tech devices during meals. I have previously complained about that. (https://betsybrownbraun.com/2010/10/16/join-the-family/)  Nor is it about parents who allow their children’s use of tech devices at meals. (That blog is […]

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Betsy is our modern-day version of the ‘village elder’ from whom we all seek counsel. Her suggestions have enabled me to respond to my children’s questions and curiosity in a way that respects their intelligence without confusing them. - Paulina Ladreyt, mother of twin boys, Santa Monica, CA
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Betsy Brown Braun is a master teacher and one of the wisest parenting experts I have ever known. - Steven Carr Reuben, Ph.D., author of Children of Character
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Betsy is always able to come up with simple and unique approaches to common parenting problems as well as more complex issues. What she says makes good sense and always works... - Joanna VanTrees Cowitt, mother of a boy and a girl, Los Angeles, CA
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I love the way you think and how clear you make the issues seem. You are so brilliant and I love how perceptive and straightforward you are. You anchor me and the things you say make a lot of sense.

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I love the way you think and how clear you make the issues seem. You are so brilliant and I love how perceptive and straightforward you are. You anchor me and the things you say make a lot of sense. - Leigh Nickoll, Marriage and Family Counselor
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Betsy’s private consultations are fabulous. She has a gift for understanding all different types of children and giving advice that works for your particular child. - Craig Mallery
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Betsy got me over the bumps of raising two young boys and over the moguls of raising teenage boys. She is my rock. - Deidra Hall
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Your talk really helped me in becoming a more “open” parent and less worried about little things that really don’t matter and restrict kids in a negative way.

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Your talk really helped me in becoming a more “open” parent and less worried about little things that really don’t matter and restrict kids in a negative way. - Nina Hong, mother
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Betsy keeps it real. She respects parents and children and gives parents the straight scoop about productive communication. I turn to her insights again and again. - Alexis Bircoll Martin, mother of two
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Betsy Brown Braun is a fine observer of children…

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Betsy Brown Braun is a fine observer of children… - Dr. Robert M. Landaw, Pediatrician
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Betsy offers the clearest, calming, and most helpful advice there is on parenting...She's like having the smartest, coolest, and amazingly right mom just a phone call away.

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Betsy offers the clearest, calming, and most helpful advice there is on parenting...She's like having the smartest, coolest, and amazingly right mom just a phone call away. - Jane Buckingham, Author of The Modern Girls Guide to Life and The Modern Girls Guide to Motherhood
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A parenting guru. - The New York Times
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We’ve been overwhelmed by the outpouring of positive response in our community from the PA Forum Betsy held for our Middle and High School parents. We are all discussing our implementation of her practical, meaningful advice - from how to respond to our teen's and tween’s meltdowns to how to deal with their messy rooms. Additionally she helped frame parenting (and over-parenting) during this challenging time as well as normalize our parental anxieties.Thank you Betsy!

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2021-03-09T19:10:44+00:00
We’ve been overwhelmed by the outpouring of positive response in our community from the PA Forum Betsy held for our Middle and High School parents. We are all discussing our implementation of her practical, meaningful advice - from how to respond to our teen's and tween’s meltdowns to how to deal with their messy rooms. Additionally she helped frame parenting (and over-parenting) during this challenging time as well as normalize our parental anxieties.Thank you Betsy! - Leigh Morales, MS PA Forum Chair, The Greenhill School, Dallas TX
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Your voice is so often in my head as I navigate the adventures (good, bad, and yes, sometimes ugly) of parenting. I can’t imagine what I would have done all these years without it...it’s like a touchstone that keeps me on track - Thea Andrews Wolf, mom of 2 middle school boys
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Betsy is quite simply pure magic. Through the ups and downs of parenting (and life!), she is a constant source of tremendous guidance and wisdom and comfort. Having Betsy as a trusted resource (who has literally seen it all) as I navigate life with two boys is truly a blessing. -Rebecca Jonah, mother of two boys
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I have participated in Betsy’s groups and private consultations over the past decade-plus. I find her guidance to be experience and research-based. And I respond to her no-bullshit directness. Her support helps me feel like I am working to be the best mom I can be; knowledgeable, present, and open. Being in the groups has given me so much confidence as a parent, plus camaraderie and lifelong friends with my fellow mom members. Betsy is the rock, sounding board, expert, and friend everyone needs while navigating the parenting journey. -Meredith Alexander, mother of two boys
https://betsybrownbraun.com/testimonials/5919/

Betsy is quite simply pure magic. Through the ups and downs of parenting, she is a constant source of tremendous guidance, , wisdom, and comfort. Having Betsy as a trusted resource, as I navigate life with two boys, is truly a blessing.

-Rebecca Jonah, mother of two boys
Betsy Brown Braun
2022-07-01T07:21:36+00:00
Betsy is quite simply pure magic. Through the ups and downs of parenting, she is a constant source of tremendous guidance, , wisdom, and comfort. Having Betsy as a trusted resource, as I navigate life with two boys, is truly a blessing. -Rebecca Jonah, mother of two boys
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My wife and I watched your Discipline Video last night . It was ENORMOUSLY helpful...45 years of wisdom in 45 minutes! -Brian Goldsmith, father of two young children
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When you [Betsy] speak, everything just sort of clicks and all the chaos going on around us seems to have order once again. We really appreciate your help and insight. -Carter Horton Thomas, father of two girls
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Child development & behavior specialist, best selling author of award winning Just Tell Me What to Say (2008) & You're Not the Boss of Me. (2010)

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