Seems like almost every parent today knows that spanking is verboten. Everyone except that parent who says, “My father spanked me, and I turned out fine.” To him I want to say, You don’t remember how you felt while you were being spanked—the terror, the helplessness, the anger. Working with parents for 40 years has demonstrated to me that parents spank because they don’t know what else to do that “really works.” It is out of their simmering frustration that they resort to harsh physical … [Read more...] about If Not Spanking, Then What?
Brat-Proofing
Loose Parts
For years I have extolled the value of empty cardboard boxes—the ones in which your big appliances arrive—in the lives of children. You see cardboard box to be recycled; your child sees secret cave, fire station, beauty parlor, club house. But Caine Monroy has broadened even my wildest dreams. He built Caine’s Arcade (http://vimeo.com/40000072). Caine’s dad George claims that he is no special parent. He says he simply knew his son, didn’t force him to do what he didn’t want, and allowed him … [Read more...] about Loose Parts
Tantrums: Doing What Comes Naturally.
There’s nothing like a toddler’s tantrum or an older child’s melt down to bring a parent to her knees. It’s one of those behaviors that makes you feel inadequate and helpless, to say nothing of incompetent. Put that tantrum in a public place—a restaurant, the grocery store, the school lobby—and you can add embarrassment, fear, and frustration to your own list of feelings. The ante is upped. Believe it or not, tantrums are typical of children all over the world, and they look pretty much … [Read more...] about Tantrums: Doing What Comes Naturally.
Whose Birthday Party Is It?
I might hold the record for having given the most single birthday parties. Each of my kids (triplets) had his/her own party from age two years old on up. It’s not that I am a glutton for punishment; it’s that there’s not much that is all yours besides your name and your birthday. In the case of triplets, the need is magnified. So I bought into the whole birthday party phenomenon. The majority of my kids’ parties happened in our yard because we had the space. They ran the gamut: Olympics … [Read more...] about Whose Birthday Party Is It?
Be the Person You Want Your Child to Be
(Posted for the second time...that;s how important this one is!) “You will not believe this story,” began the email from a client who had just returned from family services for the Jewish New Year. She described the mother and three children sitting next to her own family. “She was knitting!” (Yes, you read it correctly, knitting.) “And when she was done knitting, she pulled out her Blackberry and began texting.” I queried as to her guess of the ages of the children. Elementary and middle … [Read more...] about Be the Person You Want Your Child to Be
Want Some Cheese With That Whine?
How amazing is it that all kids seem to whine at some time or other? Seriously, how is it that they all use the same tone? Is that capacity just part of the factory-equipped model of child? Truth be told, it kind of is…the capacity, that is. Children whine at different ages for different reasons. No one can say exactly when whining will start, but it can even be as young as 18 months. It is interesting that early talkers seem also to be early whiners. The toddler whiner often feels … [Read more...] about Want Some Cheese With That Whine?