The mother unwrapped the straw, poked it into the little box, and handed the drink to her toddler as they walked out of the grocery store. The sliver of straw paper slipped from the mother’s hand. I doubt that she even noticed it. Rolling my grocery cart back to its stable, I looked around to see how many carts were randomly parked, willy-nilly throughout the lot, nowhere near the stable. Who leaves her cart to roll into the next parked car? Since my greatest interest and life’s work … [Read more...] about You Are Who You Are When No One is Looking
Parent modeling
The Odd Life of Parents Who Laugh at Their Children
The viral video of the two boys emoting after seeing The Odd Life of Timothy Green made my blood boil. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aFV1r45sAQ In the video two boys, perhaps 7 and 9 years old, are crying as they try to discuss the movie they had just seen, and the parents, filming the scene, can be heard laughing. I saw the film last week. My husband and I might have been the only adults in the theater unaccompanied by children. No matter to me. Is this really a kids’ movie? I wondered. … [Read more...] about The Odd Life of Parents Who Laugh at Their Children
If Not Spanking, Then What?
Seems like almost every parent today knows that spanking is verboten. Everyone except that parent who says, “My father spanked me, and I turned out fine.” To him I want to say, You don’t remember how you felt while you were being spanked—the terror, the helplessness, the anger. Working with parents for 40 years has demonstrated to me that parents spank because they don’t know what else to do that “really works.” It is out of their simmering frustration that they resort to harsh physical … [Read more...] about If Not Spanking, Then What?
What Does Mommy Do?
The mom’s tears at the end of the session spent counseling this soon-to-be separating couple were not surprising. Divorce is never easy. We had begun to discuss custody schedules, always a prickly topic. That’s when the dam broke. My empathetic comments about how painful these things are bounced right back. “That’s not it!” the mother unequivocally declared. “What will I do?” she cried, emphasizing the word “do.” There were so many divorce related changes-to-come that had to be flooding this … [Read more...] about What Does Mommy Do?
Smartphone as Saboteur
Technology is here to stay. No question there. Children born today must become technologically literate in order to thrive in their world as they grow. No question there. Advanced technologies make parts of raising children easier. No question there either. Wait! It’s spinning out of control. The horse is driving the cart! The inmates are running the prison! Several adamant listener responses to my interview on Patt Morrison’s NPR radio show … [Read more...] about Smartphone as Saboteur
The Right to be Unhappy
"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands." Every kid knows that insipid song. It scrolls through a palette of feelings, "If you're sad...If you're angry..." always pointing to the refrain "but if you're happy and you know it, shout hooray!" as if that's the right way to be. I'm not so sure. What about all the other feelings, the big feelings--sadness, anger, fear, frustration, loneliness, to name a few-- which fall under the umbrella of "unhappy?" What is the child supposed to do … [Read more...] about The Right to be Unhappy