The mother unwrapped the straw, poked it into the little box, and handed the drink to her toddler as they walked out of the grocery store. The sliver of straw paper slipped from the mother’s hand. I doubt that she even noticed it. Rolling my grocery cart back to its stable, I looked around to see how many carts were randomly parked, willy-nilly throughout the lot, nowhere near the stable. Who leaves her cart to roll into the next parked car? Since my greatest interest and life’s work … [Read more...] about You Are Who You Are When No One is Looking
Toddlers
If Not Spanking, Then What?
Seems like almost every parent today knows that spanking is verboten. Everyone except that parent who says, “My father spanked me, and I turned out fine.” To him I want to say, You don’t remember how you felt while you were being spanked—the terror, the helplessness, the anger. Working with parents for 40 years has demonstrated to me that parents spank because they don’t know what else to do that “really works.” It is out of their simmering frustration that they resort to harsh physical … [Read more...] about If Not Spanking, Then What?
Smartphone as Saboteur
Technology is here to stay. No question there. Children born today must become technologically literate in order to thrive in their world as they grow. No question there. Advanced technologies make parts of raising children easier. No question there either. Wait! It’s spinning out of control. The horse is driving the cart! The inmates are running the prison! Several adamant listener responses to my interview on Patt Morrison’s NPR radio show … [Read more...] about Smartphone as Saboteur
The Right to be Unhappy
"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands." Every kid knows that insipid song. It scrolls through a palette of feelings, "If you're sad...If you're angry..." always pointing to the refrain "but if you're happy and you know it, shout hooray!" as if that's the right way to be. I'm not so sure. What about all the other feelings, the big feelings--sadness, anger, fear, frustration, loneliness, to name a few-- which fall under the umbrella of "unhappy?" What is the child supposed to do … [Read more...] about The Right to be Unhappy
Tantrums: Doing What Comes Naturally.
There’s nothing like a toddler’s tantrum or an older child’s melt down to bring a parent to her knees. It’s one of those behaviors that makes you feel inadequate and helpless, to say nothing of incompetent. Put that tantrum in a public place—a restaurant, the grocery store, the school lobby—and you can add embarrassment, fear, and frustration to your own list of feelings. The ante is upped. Believe it or not, tantrums are typical of children all over the world, and they look pretty much … [Read more...] about Tantrums: Doing What Comes Naturally.
Children Should Be Seen and HEARD
The horror at Miramonte Elementary School in Los Angeles has my blood boiling, to say nothing of my stomach turning in disgust. The story is still unfolding, layers added every day. (A 30 year veteran third grade teacher, uncovered by a photo lab technician who alerted police to photos of children blindfolded and/or gagged, some with cockroaches on their faces, being fed a white milky substance found to be the teachers’ semen, was arrested after a year’s investigation.) Each aspect of this … [Read more...] about Children Should Be Seen and HEARD